She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
