As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
