I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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