If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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