Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
