oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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