I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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