if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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