so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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