You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
