I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
