i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
