you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
