I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
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Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
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THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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