i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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