i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
