John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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