i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Randomize
