My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
NoShamevember. You game?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
