Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
