Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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