we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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