I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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