Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
