Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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