I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
