I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
