i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
