If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
