as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
