Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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