walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
The beer is more important than you right now.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
