This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
