I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
They are going to name an STD after you.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize