nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
