just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
