I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
