Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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