News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
