does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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