i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
