youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
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