I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
God, I missed his penis.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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