Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Randomize
