she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
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I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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