There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
