dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
In America we eat man semen.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
