Just cropdusted the office
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
