Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
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