At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
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