i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
