i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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