man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
