he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
