there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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