there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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