Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
