I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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