His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
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I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
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I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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