I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize