guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
