Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
