Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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